Potential

Do I even know how to push myself?

Have I ever placed myself in such a position

to pain me, make me grow, and trudge through my suffering?

Yes. I have. In my head I fight infectious

ideas and insecurities put there by common thieves

It took me 21 years to really see how bored everyone is

how boring I can be. I detest busyness and the go culture

My understanding of this has dug deeper

and is exposing wells of potential. It's not the activity

but the purpose. Wasted lives begetting wasted energy.

You could give these people all the potential of the sun

and they would still squander it to fulfill some joe job expectation

constantly busying themselves in the hope of one day finding leisure

why not stop the act, stop trying to just keep your head above water

in hopes of reaching the shore. Dive deeper, explore uncharted waters

I wonder if I write this stuff to myself or to you

I need to produce more, to risk more, to live more

take the abuse, take the corruption and spit it back

use it as fuel to topple cities. Let the games begin.

Its so lame to be clever anymore or to be ironic.

Isn't it better to be straight, to be articulate and passionate?

To really dance, to really scream, and to really fight

why use the back door when there's greater access out front?

Cleverness only gets you so far, conviction is boundless.

Its not about the words anymore but the actions

this is a lesson I needed years ago.

Fuck nihilism and the petty minds it swallows up.

It's time to be alive.

Headspace

The ones who don't do anything are always the ones who try to put you down

-Henry Rollins

I'm worried, i'm afraid

that what i'm doing, what I believe in

will not only be wrong

but leave me lost and broken

I've researched and bullshitted

and hoped and worked to find

others that could prove that there is something

bigger than what's expected of me

I hate mundane repetition

I hate buying shit, being bored

and belittling myself so others will

smile at me. Human connection is wonderful

only if its true, deep, and naked

I open myself, i try and pry the doors apart

and let some light out, to show people

what's really inside

and its fucking hard

its tough to be honest, its painful to tell the truth

There's always the suspicion that the advice

I'm given is passive aggressive manipulation

sugar coated and sealed with a kiss

to hide others own shortcomings

and fears. I'm tired of agreeing with people

just for the sake of commerce

so I can go about my day.

Its nauseating to smile at people I call my friends

and agree with their bigotry, their insecurities

to not scream at the top of my lungs

tell the goddamn truth

if you do not like me, i'd be happy to

recoil into my room. At least i'm myself here

How can a motherfucker grow with so

little headspace and everyone trying to

turn the lights off?

Half-Note

Hear the saxophones playing

screaming from the clubhouse doors

mourning the dead beats and cool shades

of yesterday

the buildings rocket into the sky

and herds of businessmen and saints

drudge down the sidewalks going nowhere

deaf to the sounds of God blaring through the doors

They bath their unconscious worries in showers

of barley and hops, letting its golden chill

calm their restless mind

never once looking to the milky sky dripping

through its expansion awaiting their thirst

to drink down its secrets

they fret for the inevitable while trying to ignore their eternity

the concrete and facades are painted with cries of acceptance

while the men cloak their selves in beards and 10 dollar bills

The churches remain empty and the people emptier

at their search for salvation turns towards blank statements

and welfare checks

The great poets await their work to be read and recited in the

halls of the very people they are running from

to become an entry online

and get their name downloaded as if its their soul

we meditate on the wind and always distract ourselves from

the outside world

The teachers keep reciting their clichés while the students

recite them incorrectly in the bars and in their hearts

the beat thumps on and the lights change from red to green

allowing the sleepy pilgrims a chance to rest their heads

so they may make it home safe to their Mecca on the 12th floor

As the steam rises from the sewers the merchants purchase their

freedom from the corner store

releasing them from the confines of routine

so to have a night of bliss and fleshly comfort

the piano plays on notes that rain onto the blossoming

conscience of the couples gazing upon nirvana

and so I weep for the bums and sneer at the gods

sitting in their carpeted penthouses

poorer and nude as the lazy sinners they

skin to make their couches

The Existentialism of Rhio O' Connor

There have been moments in my life that have put me face to face with death, or at least dangled the actual possibility of becoming more acquainted than I would like to have experienced. The feeling is at once terrifying and calming. My experiences were mostly instantaneous close calls rather than a prolonged knowledge of my final day, though they remain powerful lessons to the value of my life and reality of my mortality. I've often contemplated which is worse, an instant death without the ability to say goodbye to loved ones or a longer death as with cancer where you must watch others suffer over you. Each pulls a wrenching string on the heart. However, considering the case of Rhio his will, and infectious passion for life you begin to get a real sense of what we have control over. I've always believed that this life is what you make of it, Rhio's story added depth and a powerful example by showing that we have more power over our death than we're led to believe.

Any mention of the word "cancer" makes one shiver. To most it is a death wish and as crippling to the mind as it is to the body. However, when the body remains weak, the mind may grow stronger. One is only defeated when he throws up his arms to fate and does not exercise the freedom of will which makes him human. It is when mankind is faced with the impossible or inevitable that he shines brightest and overcomes the highest peaks.

Death is a reality in which we all must face at some point and which the possibility dwells constantly on our lives. From Buddhism to Existentialism, philosophies of death bring about a greater understanding of life. It would be impossible for me to accurately say how I would react given the same diagnosis as Rhio. I could pose hypothetical situations and ways I would deal with it, and hope I would be as strong as he was. However, I have not been faced with such a prolonged reality. As mentioned above I have brushed against death and escaped only to recall the chill of its touch. Whenever considering my own death I find it to be instantly life altering. My time becomes more important; how I spend it, with whom, and the quality therein. In the Buddhist sense we're all dying and scientifically speaking we begin to die by age 28. The difference between Rhio and the rest of us is the immediacy of his condition and the acceptance of its consequences. He accepted his mortality while the rest of us ignore it. This acceptance is where the true change begins. I find it more profound to consider Rhio and myself on the same plain, because we will both reach the same end. Death is death; there is no difference in its definition. However, life is indefinable in both how we live it and its value to us. Some of us squander it away, not realizing how little time we have or really deciding on what we should be doing with our time. Philosophers have been debating what makes life worth living for millennia, but it is up to each of us to decide what it is that makes us get out of bed in the morning. Let us for the sake of the argument consider what it would be like if I did have mesothelioma, as it is quite plausible there lies dormant cancer within my cells.

If I were diagnosed with an incurable disease I feel it would intensify my life. Every meal would taste as if it were my last, every human contact would be at full depth, and I would pay no mind to social norms or restrictions of character for the sake of commerce. Again, I must emphasize that there is no reason one should not live as such, as we are all dying. However, with the diagnoses acting as a social catalyst for more authentic interaction I believe people would open up more because their consciousness of my limited time. There would be no time for beating around the bush or small talk. I would first have to decide if my life would be worth preserving. This seems an absurd question, though I believe it is the most vital. Albert Camus in his work The Myth of Sisyphus states that the most important philosophical problem is suicide or whether life is or is not worth living. This becomes even more imperative when cancer symptoms and the heightened suffering therein are considered. Is life still worth living in the face of this? Can life still be beautiful and full of happiness? If you asked Rhio I believe he would have reply with a big Yes. This Yes-saying is essential to the terminally ill as it is to us all. We all suffer, it is not suffering that makes us miserable but the inability to cope with its effects. Friedrich Nietzsche went so far as to embrace his suffering so he may grow stronger by overcoming it. I see this Nietzschean spirit in Rhio, the ability to make use of his suffering and say yes even in the face of his demise. If what doesn't kill you make you stronger than what will kill you makes you unstoppable. If I were diagnosed "incurable" I would delve into life with an insatiable passion. As I sit here now I stare into the expansion of my life with fire in my heart and a lust for embracing all that the world has to offer. To be given less time only heightens my thirst for more! The most essential task one can perform is to inspire. One's immediate actions only physically affect so much. However, their influence to inspire and motivate can move mountains and change lives for millennia.

Rhio also demonstrates the motivating power of death to innovate what was formerly deemed impossible. By creating his own form of therapy he enabled himself to customize a system that worked for his own needs. Through rigorous studying and unbreakable spirit he was able to build for himself a proactive solution. Instead of relying on experts he took the wheel and discovered uncharted territory that led to his prolonged life. This speaks volumes about his character and the potential of the human spirit. Many people find it difficult to achieve greatness with an entire lifetime of opportunity while this man was able to vitally prove himself in the final years of his life. For someone like myself with a passion for both Psychology and Philosophy Rhio provides real evidence of how one can shape themselves into something larger than life. My goal is to become a therapist who doesn't cure psychological ailments but helps individuals reach their full potential. Rhio's story will definitely help to elevate spirits of those who feel helpless.

I may have never known Rhio O' Connor, but his story lightens my soul and remains a shining beacon in an abysmal world. I see so many pitying the sick and the dying as well as people pitying their own circumstances. This causes a deep despair, sense of helplessness, and is an insult to life; however much we have of our lives still remains precious, though only as precious as we deem it! A man like Rhio sets a standard for all who suffer and must face their own mortality; to not go quietly into the night. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, it is better to find the strength necessary to overcome your situation, whatever it may be. What makes someone an inspiration is that they have risen above their expectations and soared on wings of their own creation. These are the souls who enjoy the greatest paradise on earth and who smell the sweet scents of existence with a greater appreciation than any other living being. I'd like to end with a Victor Frankl quote that chimes true, "Each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering to his own life. To life he can only respond by being responsible."

Essay on Marxism: Material Fetishism and Its Relation to the Ego

Society was set up for individuals to benefit each other to a greater degree than possible on their own. It allowed more advanced forms of production to develop, such as farming and craftsmanship. When society had reached the point is has now, where we are in constant competition with one another it is antithetical to the point of society. This is almost straight from Marx's mouth. Furthermore, by placing all against all as in capitalism the goal of consumption is more efficiently propagated. That is, capitalism is founded by the base need for individuals to consume commodities. Once these are given value in the form of fetishism or applied to the identity of the individual, they become far more important to the individual than their material worth. This explains why products of very little use-value or are labor intensive to obtain (such as diamonds) still maintain high prices and social value. For instance, collector's items or rare kitsch products such as records share this value. If one wants an original print Beatles album, they will have to pay a great deal of money to obtain it. However, it is not the music that it worth so much, but rather the commodity of the rare physical product and the social worth placed on it. One can claim to be a "bigger fan" and thus add merit to their personality as one who appreciates the Beatles more than others. This is of course superficial because it is not the music placed in high esteem, rather their ability to obtain Beatles merchandise.

This type of reification of products onto the self of the individual is what makes capitalism so difficult to overcome. It spiritualizes products as well as the means to achieve them. Thus the only way to perpetuate capitalism is to keep others against each other, constantly competing to obtain these "holy" objects that are somehow marketed as rarities. If a product is not rare or valuable in some way, it will artificially be made so. It is no coincidence limited sets of products are released at absurd prices. This raises their value. Even if an object is of no worth, once its monetary value is specified, it takes on a higher form of value. The Beatles record for instance may have only been a dime upon its initial release, but now one may pay thousands of dollars for it. It functions and sounds the same as a newly printed record and arguable CD. Even if it doesn't function as well as a new pressing, it is elevated by psychological attachment; by metaphysical value. This infects all forms of value and quality of authentic lifestyles in the modern world. The phenomenon of giving cards for example. The mere expression of gratitude is not as worthwhile as if one spent money on a card, which is prewritten to express whatever emotion the consumer wishes to portray. It is a form of personal marketing, placing a colorful and flashy item in front of another to drive home the point visually. What is inside is transformed into a personal sentiment to the recipient, although there are millions like it received by others. Again, the expression of gratitude, joy, or whatever sentiment intended is not authentic unless accompanied by a product.

This infection has spread further into the morals and values of society. How one spends their time can be understood using the same approach. If one does not have a financial or useful commodity to accompany their action, than the action is viewed with little worth. Playing music in front of several hundred people is worth more or less based on the pay rate of the musicians or the effectiveness of the performance to promote the band and sell records. It is not the value of the performance as such, the energy and expression of music as life fulfilling and psychologically transcendent, but rather if the performance will equate into any tangible gain. Philosophy suffers the same; if one does not become famous, and fortunate, than their philosophy isn't worth their time. Both illustrate the vast superficiality of two human creations that have immeasurable importance and potential on the value of existence. This is a squandering of all that is good for the sake of utility. This is capitalism.

I've heard arguments that capitalism promotes the best products, motivates people to aim higher and achieve greater. I ask you, look around at those companies, celebrities, artists, musicians, etc. that are most financially successful and tell me if they are what you would consider the cream of the crop? It's laughable. McDonalds and Lady GaGa are not only the top grossers but are also the grossest. Talent and worth cannot be determined financially or through utility. The wrench, hammer and screwdriver may be the most useful of modern tools, yet cost only a few dollars. Books contain information that can positively shape the consciousness and reality of countless individuals, yet are worth less than a PS3, which does the opposite. A great deal of labor and time has been put into the production of both, yet one is financially valued more than the other.

Houses are merely mud and wood, and televisions are copper and glass. Move on, get over it. We need to stop the transposition of value onto these material items. What has happened in our country is a secularized version of what has occurred in civilizations since the advent of Christianity.. Higher values are made out to be lower while the weaker are made to look stronger. That is, what is noble and really more valuable to humanity is being demonized while less valuable ideals are being touted not only as more important, but eternal and essential to existence. An example of this is the emphasis placed on security. Countless companies and advertising campaigns promote the idea of comfort and security, playing on your biggest fears and insecurities. "What if" is hung over our heads and the grim uncertainty of life is blown up to make us clench our possessions and lighten our wallets. The solutions are often absurd means to achieving security if not all together futile. Identity theft protection won't do shit if someone really wants to use your name. Home alarm systems and car alarms have become so hap-hazardous no one takes them seriously. They never tell you how to really protect yourself or to purchase a gun. Real strength is never encouraged, only the sublimation of real power into forms that not only weaken the individual but the community as well. Regardless of what you are told, one weak person brings down the whole just like one strong human being can encourage it to strive for something higher. Products are nothing more than the material they are composed of and the value we place on them.

The most precious of all commodities, and most irreplaceable is time. We are all only allotted a certain amount of time to exist. We try and buy more with modern scientific and medical breakthroughs, but even than one is trading quality for quantity. It is extremely imperative to evaluate how one spends their time, and what we as a society value as proper and worthwhile. The production and acquisition of meaningless products, status items, and frivolous activities is not what we should be putting so much time and effort into; both in doing and promoting such. It is not rare to hear one say "appreciate the little things" or "money can't buy happiness" but it still remains true. I'm not saying find God, live a more spiritual live, drop out and tune in, or anything of the sort. I'm not trying to sell you anything. I am asking you as a human being to look around and look inside your mind as ask "is this it?" It is this how we are going to spend our lives? Are these the people we are going to look up to? For what? Why? and how did this all happen? There has to be a transition, which will no doubt be gradual, towards a more vital way of living. There is no need to make enemies of others based on what they have. There is no need for cut throat capitalism. This is not what Adam Smith had in mind.

Authenticity and Trends

After my friend Kevin had written an article for my online publication, "Atonal Magazine," about his irritation towards the "indie" trend my girlfriend had raised a series of very interesting and important question about trends. A lot of her questions were in reference to the authenticity of "indie" and those who are described as such, and the question as to why people have a problem with trends overall. It is important to clarify what exactly it is about these social occurrences that make people so distraught. This is especially true when those criticizing feel they are "honest" and authentic, thus putting them in the position for criticism. Let us explore the phenomena of tends while focusing on authenticity and value in reference to them.

If you are unaware of what an "indie" person is, or what the trend amounts to, its particularities are irrelevant. Rather, if you are familiar with any trend, from emo kids to beatniks, the same reasoning and criticism will apply. I will try to use a number of different examples to illustrate the points so not to confuse anybody. For the sake of example we will use hippies as a way to illustrate my first point; this being the inherent problem with trends. Trends are a collection of actions, style, aesthetics, fashion, outlook, and taste that a group of people adopt. This is either out of the desire for originality, or simply because of marketing. Either way, a large group of people cling on to a similar lifestyle. Hippies, for example, share anti-authoritarian political views, do not prescribe to mainstream grooming norms, share an "alternative" practice of various forms of spirituality, and dress in colorful loose fitting clothing. These are the qualities associated with hippies, and individuals are recognized as such if a number of these qualities coincide.

This trend started off, like most, as an authentic way to rebel against social norms and expectations. The Baby Boomer generation found these qualities to be opposite and more desirable than what was offered to them at the time. Each of these qualities had their own significance within themselves and only evolved the others through personal taste. More and more people began to adopt the ideas and dress and at some point the whole image began to become associated with rebellion. This is a pivotal point in any trend. Once the trend is viewed as a form of originality or rebellion, it is adopted by those seeking to give off the same image. The higher the number of adherents becomes, the less authentic the values and attributes of the trend. At some point, all the trend remains is a fashion, often supported and touted by those who represent the antithesis of the initial adherents. An example of this is blue jeans. Blue jeans were adopted by hippies and hipsters of the 50's and 60's because of their working class symbolism, durability, and low price. Now there are blue jeans that are no longer durable and are absurdly priced, defeating their original purpose and value.

It is at this point that the trend becomes a marketing technique, devoid of any idealism or rebellion except for a shallow facade of such by the new adherents. The same thing can be seen within the punk community and the emergence of Hot Topic, which sells overpriced clothing with punk aesthetics. Punk kids are now known by their style of dress rather than business practices or morality. It becomes another role one plays, a character they act out their life as. This is distinct from one who enjoys what they do for their own reasons.

So you see, trends become destructive by their very nature. The more it grows, the less it means. This is because it is exposed to a wider variety of people whom often do not understand or are unaware of the principles it was founded on. On the other side, those who do understand and practice these principles but not the fashion are not recognized as members of that trend. Furthermore, individuals are not members of the trend unless they recognize it themselves. If they believe in the core principles and practices of, say, punk rock or hippies, and recognize that they are doing such they are still trendy. This is as inauthentic as the fashion, just on another level. Straight edge is a trend in morality and fashion, and on both levels it is following a dogmatic set of lifestyle parameters.

There is also a third dimension to trends. There is the individual who seems to fit into the trend, but does not. They are labeled as such from the outside, but do not recognize it internally. This is not denial, which still falls into the categories described above. Rather, they simply enjoy acting and dressing as they do. Even if they are aware that it is "trendy" they don't allow the parameters or mandates of that trend to dictate their behavior. Someone who enjoys tie dye, is a vegetarian, and practices Buddhism may share hippie like qualities. However, if they enjoy them for their own sake, and practice them for their own reasons, there is no inauthentic behavior. It is merely a coincidence, or mistake in judgment by others that they appear to be a hippie. It is not until a label is placed on the individual and they recognize it as some sort of law that inauthentic or personally dishonest behavior can arise.

Another example would be one who describes art or music as their life. If this is stated as law, then they bear the burden of proof. As soon as they proclaim this, to themselves or others, as their supreme value for living then they must bear proof. The phrase itself, which is ambiguous, is open to interpretation and judgment. What makes music one's life may not be the same for two different people. If one loves music, it preoccupies most of their thought, finance, and time but do not recognize it or state it as the supreme value for existence than they run no risk for grounded criticism on this basis. Their value may be on "positive experience" which they associate with music, or simply on "creation." Either way, they are not following a personal dogma, or an explicit lifestyle that they must live up to. They are existing free of standards other than what occurs to them in different situations. If one comments "so-and-so's life is music" than that is completely different. This is one individual's opinion and can only be denied or affirmed by the subject being judged.

So, when considering "indie" kids, the same parameters as laid out above still apply. The reasoning is still valid, but what we have not explored is why this angers people. For someone who considers themselves authentic and truly believes in the principles, morals, and values placed on something such as music or fashion, than another who belittles or misunderstands these can be interpreted as offensive. Indie kids claim to be original and "independent" when clearly their adherence to a trend contradicts this fact. Their appreciation of music that is carbon copied and unoriginal within its genre, while claiming it to be the opposite is upsetting. Contradictions are aggravating. This is especially true when someone claims that they don't exist and hold themselves up as the shining beacon of honesty and independence.

The burden of proof lies on the one who is making the judgment as well. If one criticizes another as behaving in an inauthentic manner, then they are claiming to know the reasoning behind their actions. If they are wrong, then the accuser must face the consequences of looking like an asshole. A lot of judgment is based on a brief encounter with another and an equally swift decision on their appearance. Although it may seem justifiable because of their similar appearance to a number of other, this is not a sound basis for an accurate evaluation. More often than not, people are upset with others' trendiness out of spite or insecurity with their own individuality.

Overall, there is a great deal more involved in the assessment of trends. It's safer to assume the larger the trend the less it has to offer, and a route to true authentic expression is a more favorable route. However, the evolution of ideas, art, music, and fashion do not occur in a vacuum and there will always be borrowing and copying. It's more about the result and its meaning to the individuals that matters, especially when a philosophy and lifestyle are adopted. How one lives their life is an important matter to the individual, and I do not believe anyone would want their existence marginalized. It's a matter of misconception, faulty reasoning, ignorance, or denial that leads to inauthentic living. The solution is in the mind of the beholder.

Thoughts

There is an insatiable desire I have to keep throwing out a seemingly endless amount of thought and expression that I try to keep at bay in fear of over saturation to whomever it may be that is reading my work. What I mean is, I try not to do too much, or am afraid to, because I don't want to overwhelm people. I don't want to just write to write, and end up with shit. At this moment, I am writing to write because I feel I need to. I don't do it enough. I often feel like I write about a lot of the same subjects over and over. The American work ethic, neurotic busyness, and authenticity have always been big topics with me. However, I don't feel these have been expressed quite the way intended. There is a strange gaseous blob of thought and emotion that floats around in my head. Its understanding lies in a distinct feeling, an overall sense of "understanding" within my being that is often difficult, if not impossible, to express. When wanting to express myself this articulation of the inarticulate causes a great deal of personal frustration. I only run into this problem with writing, too. Whenever I play music live, sing, or perform in any way there are several different levels of expression that exist outside the realms of written thought. When I am on stage and feel frustrated or angry at the performance or audience I can portray this physically. I can cringe, jump around, squeal ugly notes, knock shit over, and break equipment to emphasize this. This is where the true expression lies.

However, with writing, there is a lack of physicality. All I have are poetic and literary devices such as metaphor, allusion, etc and style. The structure of writing really expresses an outlook imbedded within the writer that transcends the writing itself. When reading Nietzsche or Lester Bangs, each individual's style opens a window to the reader allowing a deeper look within the writer's mind. This is what I feel I lack; the luster of style. I blame this partially on the school system. I was not formally trained in music, and had a higher quality of control over my style. If I would have taken more lessons on guitar in a formal setting than I wouldn't have had the freedom to experiment with atonal ugliness and style with as much freedom as I did without it. Sure, I could have said "fuck it" within the system and paved a different, possibly better musical path. However, there is a certain charm to self creation rather than administrated creation. The same works for my writing. I feel if I wouldn't have been as formally trained in writing that I could have a much more interesting style. There always remains the possibility of unlearning or altering within the mainframe, like with music; however it will still be missing something. Even now as I write, the embedded framework and guidelines of grammar, structure, and rationality dictates my writing. For me to let it go remains difficult. It would remain unfocused experimentation. Although, I do like the appeal of this, I still feel ensnared by the rules that have been conditioned into me.

let us for a moment begin the experimentation. Lets WOrk with the PossiBILities of diffent visual

aspects

and forms of structure

within this very essay. And let us hope they do not take away from the work itself. E.E. Cummings experimented with this, and reinvented poetry and our take on it as an art form. He was like the other brilliant writers, musicians, and artists of the 20th century who begin and work outside the bounds of established rules and mandates formerly associated with art and creativity. His work embodies the same spirit as Cecil Taylor, or Jackson Pollock. They began toying with chaos while continuing to push its limits. We all carry the burden of ciphering through it all so to conclude what is worthwhile-and such is the point. This was referred to as Modernism.

What we are faced with now is a world of Postmodernist mediocrity, with artists and writers in a state of disarray, unable to replicate the genius and originality of their Modernist predecessors. The standards have been broken, and rather than modifying their placement we simply go on as if there ought to be no standards at all. This leads to the mediocrity, this leads to the shameful display of "art", "music", and "literature" we have today. It has become cultural nihilism. Many are too afraid to point fingers and make judgments in fear of falling into dogmatism. All may pass as creative, even the rubbish. What was mocked as Kitsch became high art with the Postmodernists. Their art lies in the resentment of their predecessors, possibly because of the inability to replicate something with as much depth. Instead they become critics and art philosophers rather than true artists. This remains their only claim; to create art as criticism. However, the Modernists also had a philosophy, far superior to the Postmodernists. Their philosophy and art was more profound and relevant than the mere reactionary efforts of their counterparts. They pushed boundaries, but not without purpose. The work they created was also beautiful in itself, while Postmodern art is only relevant or beautiful when considering its references and critique. For example, a Kitsch item of a golden elephant placed within the gallery walls becomes art due to context. Much like a jack hammer must be treated and assessed as music in an orchestra hall. However, a Pollock style piece whether on a guitar or within a gallery stills holds some aesthetic significance.

The intellectual output of our modern times is diminishing. Even this evaluation that I am writing may be of a shallower depth than if assessed by a mind of the 19th or 18th century. One does not know what do with classic or ancient texts and art. We have lost the capacity for understanding the true humanity within it. Those who do know a great deal about ancient or classical art/lit/music often wear a pompous mask, which begs the question of how deep their understanding is rooted. For instance, one who understands "punk" as a modern philosophical/musical/lifestyle phenomenon may be quite surprised when considering the ancient equivalents. Socrates was the Greek equivalent of the Sex Pistols. He voiced his outrage at the modern state of Athens and life as practiced by the Greeks in his time. However, rather than putting pins through his nose or painting his hair, he used Elenchus. Here we see much more sophisticated form of criticism and method of change than the modern punk executes. Socrates, I believe, was not without an agenda. He understood something most philosophers, critics, and scholars are somehow blind to. His confrontation of others who were "experts" in their field exposed their ignorance and thus disintegrated their power (psychologically). Elenchus brought people down (or up) to his level and forced them to deal with issues and concerns logically and thus democratically. Any strings pulled or methods of manipulation used by those within his council could be logically assessed and diminished through the Socratic Method.

Now, the methods used by those who are seen as the "rebels" of modern day are more rash, emotional, and one dimensional in comparison. We no longer have Philosophers. Note the capital "P". What passes as philosophers are really scholars and windbags. Who we do have that are worth their weigth are comedians. The modern Philosopher is the comic, and their humor the new method of Elenchus. Quick wit, blunt truths, and experiential consideration are the new forms of philosophical thought. They point out the inconsistencies lightheartedly, allowing it to sink deeper into the minds of the audience. It has to be this way; otherwise people would not give the considerations the time of day. People are too busy these days. They don't have time for Elenchus and do not even possess the capacity to see beyond opinion to reasonable truths. So what is used instead is fast food philosophy; quick, concise, cheap, processed, and catchy. People need things advertised to them in order to buy it anymore. It has to look good, feel good, and within a relatively short amount of time. Long, drawn out truths aren't efficient enough. This is what comedy provides today. This is why more "intelligent" people can only stand to watch Comedy Central, because comedy is as deep and profound as we'll allow on television.

The philosopher as he exists today is too thick to see through their own inconsistency. This is a flaw of philosophers of all time, and a limitation caused by the ego and consciousness on whole. However, the philosopher of today is guilty of the inconsideration of a great deal of phenomena now understood as scientific fact. For instance, philosophers today fall into pseudo-spiritualism based on a misunderstanding of the old Cartesian Duality. They believe consciousness to be something greater than the physical world, yet are unable to give the whereabouts or means of the existence of consciousness outside of physicality. This is because "existence" by its very essence is determined by its occurrence within or depends on its physicality. Rather, their assessment is based on a fear of absurdity and inability to cope with/understand the lack of reason within the universe. Nietzsche would call these "Shadows of God." It is a spiritual incapacity that leads to their valuation of consciousness rather than courageous reasoning.

Trends and Authenticity: Why Indie Kids Piss People Off

After my friend Kevin had written an article for my online publication, "Atonal Magazine," about his irritation towards the "indie" trend my girlfriend had raised a series of very interesting and important question about trends. A lot of her questions were in reference to the authenticity of "indie" and those who are described as such, and the question as to why people have a problem with trends overall. It is important to clarify what exactly it is about these social occurrences that make people so distraught. This is especially true when those criticizing feel they are "honest" and authentic, thus putting them in the position for criticism. Let us explore the phenomena of tends while focusing on authenticity and value in reference to them.

If you are unaware of what an "indie" person is, or what the trend amounts to, its particularities are irrelevant. Rather, if you are familiar with any trend, from emo kids to beatniks, the same reasoning and criticism will apply. I will try to use a number of different examples to illustrate the points so not to confuse anybody. For the sake of example we will use hippies as a way to illustrate my first point; this being the inherent problem with trends. Trends are a collection of actions, style, aesthetics, fashion, outlook, and taste that a group of people adopt. This is either out of the desire for originality, or simply because of marketing. Either way, a large group of people cling on to a similar lifestyle. Hippies, for example, share anti-authoritarian political views, do not prescribe to mainstream grooming norms, share an "alternative" practice of various forms of spirituality, and dress in colorful loose fitting clothing. These are the qualities associated with hippies, and individuals are recognized as such if a number of these qualities coincide.

This trend started off, like most, as an authentic way to rebel against social norms and expectations. The Baby Boomer generation found these qualities to be opposite and more desirable than what was offered to them at the time. Each of these qualities had their own significance within themselves and only evolved the others through personal taste. More and more people began to adopt the ideas and dress and at some point the whole image began to become associated with rebellion. This is a pivotal point in any trend. Once the trend is viewed as a form of originality or rebellion, it is adopted by those seeking to give off the same image. The higher the number of adherents becomes, the less authentic the values and attributes of the trend. At some point, all the trend remains is a fashion, often supported and touted by those who represent the antithesis of the initial adherents. An example of this is blue jeans. Blue jeans were adopted by hippies and hipsters of the 50's and 60's because of their working class symbolism, durability, and low price. Now there are blue jeans that are no longer durable and are absurdly priced, defeating their original purpose and value.

It is at this point that the trend becomes a marketing technique, devoid of any idealism or rebellion except for a shallow facade of such by the new adherents. The same thing can be seen within the punk community and the emergence of Hot Topic, which sells overpriced clothing with punk aesthetics. Punk kids are now known by their style of dress rather than business practices or morality. It becomes another role one plays, a character they act out their life as. This is distinct from one who enjoys what they do for their own reasons.

So you see, trends become destructive by their very nature. The more it grows, the less it means. This is because it is exposed to a wider variety of people whom often do not understand or are unaware of the principles it was founded on. On the other side, those who do understand and practice these principles but not the fashion are not recognized as members of that trend. Furthermore, individuals are not members of the trend unless they recognize it themselves. If they believe in the core principles and practices of, say, punk rock or hippies, and recognize that they are doing such they are still trendy. This is as inauthentic as the fashion, just on another level. Straight edge is a trend in morality and fashion, and on both levels it is following a dogmatic set of lifestyle parameters.

There is also a third dimension to trends. There is the individual who seems to fit into the trend, but does not. They are labeled as such from the outside, but do not recognize it internally. This is not denial, which still falls into the categories described above. Rather, they simply enjoy acting and dressing as they do. Even if they are aware that it is "trendy" they don't allow the parameters or mandates of that trend to dictate their behavior. Someone who enjoys tie dye, is a vegetarian, and practices Buddhism may share hippie like qualities. However, if they enjoy them for their own sake, and practice them for their own reasons, there is no inauthentic behavior. It is merely a coincidence, or mistake in judgment by others that they appear to be a hippie. It is not until a label is placed on the individual and they recognize it as some sort of law that inauthentic or personally dishonest behavior can arise.

Another example would be one who describes art or music as their life. If this is stated as law, then they bear the burden of proof. As soon as they proclaim this, to themselves or others, as their supreme value for living then they must bear proof. The phrase itself, which is ambiguous, is open to interpretation and judgment. What makes music one's life may not be the same for two different people. If one loves music, it preoccupies most of their thought, finance, and time but do not recognize it or state it as the supreme value for existence than they run no risk for grounded criticism on this basis. Their value may be on "positive experience" which they associate with music, or simply on "creation." Either way, they are not following a personal dogma, or an explicit lifestyle that they must live up to. They are existing free of standards other than what occurs to them in different situations. If one comments "so-and-so's life is music" than that is completely different. This is one individual's opinion and can only be denied or affirmed by the subject being judged.

So, when considering "indie" kids, the same parameters as laid out above still apply. The reasoning is still valid, but what we have not explored is why this angers people. For someone who considers themselves authentic and truly believes in the principles, morals, and values placed on something such as music or fashion, than another who belittles or misunderstands these can be interpreted as offensive. Indie kids claim to be original and "independent" when clearly their adherence to a trend contradicts this fact. Their appreciation of music that is carbon copied and unoriginal within its genre, while claiming it to be the opposite is upsetting. Contradictions are aggravating. This is especially true when someone claims that they don't exist and hold themselves up as the shining beacon of honesty and independence.

The burden of proof lies on the one who is making the judgment as well. If one criticizes another as behaving in an inauthentic manner, then they are claiming to know the reasoning behind their actions. If they are wrong, then the accuser must face the consequences of looking like an asshole. A lot of judgment is based on a brief encounter with another and an equally swift decision on their appearance. Although it may seem justifiable because of their similar appearance to a number of other, this is not a sound basis for an accurate evaluation. More often than not, people are upset with others' trendiness out of spite or insecurity with their own individuality.

Overall, there is a great deal more involved in the assessment of trends. It's safer to assume the larger the trend the less it has to offer, and a route to true authentic expression is a more favorable route. However, the evolution of ideas, art, music, and fashion do not occur in a vacuum and there will always be borrowing and copying. It's more about the result and its meaning to the individuals that matters, especially when a philosophy and lifestyle are adopted. How one lives their life is an important matter to the individual, and I do not believe anyone would want their existence marginalized. It's a matter of misconception, faulty reasoning, ignorance, or denial that leads to inauthentic living. The solution is in the mind of the beholder.

Philosophy: Who Cares?

A lot of people don't know what philosophy it, what it means, or why it's important for that matter. Even within the field, I am starting to get the suspicion that no one really knows what or why the school of thought still exists. It's a neglected science that has been reduced to answering trivial metaphysical questions, engaging in dizzying mind games, and boring people with its dense texts and loftiness. So it seems. However, there is a way to view philosophy in a relevant, down to earth, and undeniably imperative way. This perspective is often overlooked, especially in America. Like the ancient philosopher, we now face a question of essence. That is, what is it that makes philosophy what it is, and why is it important. We know, but cannot articulate it.

I also cannot articulate what exactly it is, but can explain why it means so much to me. In case you were wondering. To my understanding, the greatest quality philosophy possesses is the importance of uncertainty, questioning, and contemplation. These are valued as ends in themselves as well as means to practical applications. Ethics, for example, are important to foster a "good" life for the practitioner as well as help society. The discussion of ethics and philosophical content also brings pleasure to those passionate about it. This passion is misunderstood from outsiders, and without the properly tuned minds (those privy to logical deduction and induction methods) it seems like we're all chasing our tales. In some cases we are, but when we stop chasing them we look up to find ourselves somewhere new. The world look a lot brighter after running in circles. Now, I'm being superficial and coy here, not getting down to the nitty gritty. Philosophy is important because it can help us arrive at, and overcome the pressing issues of our existence.

If needed, I would describe myself as an existentialist. I recognize absurdity and meaninglessness of human life, and find it to be the most pressing issue of our or any time. "What's it all mean?" is a question not alien to non-philosophers. The quick answer is, nothing. However, this is not an answer many can accept, nor does it provide a methodology on how to go about living. Nihilism is the idea that nothing matters, and is the negation of life due to such terms. I see it in a great deal of people's lives, they way the live, communicate, and value. I used to think people were oblivious, empty headed, numb-nuts unaware of their own futility. Some are, most aren't. I'd say a great deal of people are aware of how ridiculous life is, at least on a subconscious level. They try to ignore it, cover it up with a rug, or decorate it with shiny new objects. These just make it more apparent. Having stuff is fine, being that stuff is different. You are not your car, nor job, nor are you your friends or social class. You are a walking squishy blob of consciousness disproportionate to that which is unlike you. This is a big deal to me.

Most people like things in packages. We like to live in square houses, drive on square roads, walk on square sidewalks, and eat on square tables. We like order, regulation, certainty, and predictability. The universe can offer us none of this. Thus, we feel hostile towards it. This is reflected in our religion, our products, our work, our science, and our art. It is a constant struggle to make it all fit back in that box. The problem is, we're the real squares. Not hip to the vibrations of, well, reality. Relax, the lingo is supposed to be ironic. Furthermore, we expect as soon as we make a rule, the universe will listen. We call them "laws" and expect the universe to abide by them...or else! From a legal standpoint, this is like telling Godzilla to watch his step or we'll ground him.

Our lives, like science, are organized to fulfill a pragmatic purpose of some sort to justify some lofty end we're not quite sure of. The lines are blurry, but we like them that way. Allows for wiggle room. We set codes for ourselves, ethics, standards, and so on, This is out of the sheer terror of our freedom. This is freedom we're not quite sure we have. You see, we've been told to do this or that since we were born. We haven't realized our autonomy since we were younger than a month, and we can't even remember that far back! There are moment of clarity, where you realize you're life is really in your own hands, that you are alone and responsible for your actions. Yikes. Why are you responsible? Because the other squishy things will get mad and are equally afraid of disorder. They will do anything to control their little universes. Don't try and break their boxes down.

I am being cynical here, but with purpose. I realize all of this because I see it in myself. I know what that clarity and fear feel like, and what it implies. Freedom is both terrifying and wonderful at the same time. You're life is your own creation. I truly believe that. You may be a product of your environment, but you have the capacity to leave or to change you're internal environment to better suit the outer. This is what makes philosophy so important. Science and psychology cannot help you guide through the bleakness of existence. It cannot help you find your own light. Science states empirical data and psychology formulates diagnoses. Philosophy puts the gun in your hand and tells you to shoot or at least lets you know the gun is there.

I find myself repeating the same ideas over and over in my writings. Its because I cannot find a good enough way to put these ideas into words. Articulation is the biggest bitch of them all. The language used and attitude they imply mean worlds to the portrayal of the message. What this whole article is about simply owning yourself. No one can tell you how to live, or should have the power to do such. Look at the sky sometimes. Let it sink in. There's a whole lot of stuff out there. More than we can begin to fathom. Rules, expectations, appearances, and norms are nothing but the agreements of people on a day to day basis. Cash in your chips, option out of that agreement. It's not a matter of "sticking it to the man" but rather just waking up and going about your day as you'd like to. Figure out what you love, what makes waking up worth it and go for it.

This is philosophy, asking these questions and taking these risks. You can think all you want that everything happens for a reason, or some intelligent being is looking out for you. Limit yourself then. I know when you take a good, hard look at the world and yourself you know that's a bunch of shit. Wake up. Start looking for the boxes people place up all around us. The world is not four dimensional, nor is the people. I'm making assumptions here to spread the message. If I didn't have confidence in people's capacity for self creation I would not write this.

The Problem Of Atheism-Nietzsche Essay

The Madman's Return

After the madman had left the town, discouraged by his premature proclamation of God's death, he returned to his cave for slumber, hoping to awake when there were more ears ready for his truth. After a hundred years, dust and muck had crusted on his slumbering body. He awoke and brushed clean his robe, returning to the very same market. Here he had found a new age, and a different looking people. He had come upon a town of the Godless, who wore science around their necks where crosses once hung. Filled with joy he had asked one of the bustling townspeople who had buried God, where his grave lie and how has man come to deal with their sentence. The rushing man had responded by looking at his watch and pointing to a tall building constructed where there once stood a church. The madman fell to his knees and wept, "I have found ears for my knowledge, yet they are still blind to the shadows! I have again come too soon; man has not yet taken blame for their murderous act!" He ascended again to his cave, to sleep once again until his time has come.

Overcoming Atheism: The Many Phases of Nihilism

In the opening paragraph of "On Truth and Lie" Nietzsche bluntly illustrates the most imperative and puzzling truth humanity would have to reconcile from then on. This passage opens to the reader the depth of despair which one is faced in the eye of such an overcastting truth; Nihilism. Our insignificance and loneliness in this universe wipes away so much of the pillars formerly erected in humanity's name and leaves us condemned to our blind freedom. Mankind had been so accustomed to the idea and feelings of order, standards, and a God whom could keep us in line. Well, it is obvious that truth of our existence as shown through astronomical discovery has killed these ideas, has killed God as Nietzsche puts it, and anyone bold enough to face up to this truth should understand the severity of this dilemma. It has been over one hundred years since Nietzsche had pointed this out and tried to reconcile it, and still most of humanity has yet to pull down their shrouds and face the light of this abyss, even those who call themselves Godless. The latter is what is most troubling about today's world, because one could write hundreds of pages on the reasons and misfortune of those who shield their eyes from truth with masks and gods of all sorts. This has been a problem for thinkers and men of progression throughout history. The herd shall remain such as long as they believe in their invisible shepherd, it is the atheists and "free-thinkers" that have the most promise and yet are the most misguided. They face the problem of nihilism with strong backs, but clouded minds. Even Atheism must be overcome.

Nihilism is a very misunderstood and misquoted idea that deserves the respect of clarity. It is the most important reality that faces humanity, and thus poses it the greatest problem. This is not at all a bold statement, it is very apparent once looking into the vastness of the night sky, and at a certain level of personal evolution, understanding that they are not staring back at you, that they exist and burn much like you do; without purpose or reason. Atheism today wears the same colors as religion because those who are within it still "know" without a questioning of this knowledge. They still scream, preach, whine, argue, and hate much like their religious counterparts. The screaming is in the name of their "truth" rather than this other "truth". Atheists wear their pride in brighter colors because they believe they have the intellect and insight that has surpassed those God-lovers, and with it they will enlighten the world to their truth. This reeks of Christianity.

One of Nietzsche's greatest observations is not the "death of God" but rather his shadows. God's shadows are what most Atheists are blind to; they bask in these dark castings without seeing the sunlight beyond them. As stated earlier, the Atheist will to spread their gospel of Godlessness is quite Christian, and shows a deep rooted value on pestering in the Western psyche. They wish to impose their ideas on those who still believe in God, and by doing so use the same force, the same means as their opponents, and lack the strength to penetrate any wall within their organization. They wish to kill what has already died. What is wiser, and what Nietzsche had also discovered, is to let the herd be. In Zarathustra after he had wandered down to the town and was laughed at by both the townspeople and jester he proclaimed that it was a waste of breath to speak to the herds and their shepherds, but to find kindred souls and speak to them of what needs to be done. Atheism would be wise to keep to itself and find solace in its own existence before pointing fingers. It is very apparent that Atheists and "free-thinkers" do not have the foresight or insight to be preaching to anyone, as many still only see the dark side of nihilism, and have yet seen its potential and full radiance.

There are as many faces of nihilism as there are phases of the moon. Nihilism can be an escape from action, an excuse for non-action, a crippling of action, or a call to action. It can be as comforting as it can be terrifying. When one observes the chaos of the world, the social problems, famine, and "evil" a gaze into the sky can bring solace more so now than ever before, because we are but one floating rock in a sea of the infinite. The wise choice would be to laugh in the face of the entire world's seriousness. This laughter is absent by modern Atheists, and in its stead, an insecure seriousness. Often death becomes their focal point, as if their mortality justifies their erratic lifestyles and choices. Somehow this negates one's death, or rather steals something from it. On the contrary, the way to steal away from death is to disregard it as influence over one's choice, to live focused on life rather than death. Although one' mortality may sweeten the day, too much influence over one's decisions may prove to spoil it. This is evident in the justification of many cigarette smokers, though it is not only death which they try to decorate.

For Atheists, the new replacement of God is the self, but not in Nietzschean terms, not a deep, autonomous human being self creating and so forth. Rather, a shallow superficial God-self in the likeness to the old one. Man uses consumerism, hedonism, new ageism, and all around blind living to deal with the unbearable despair they face. In today's world, regardless of how strong one's faith is, how conservative or new age one's ideas are, they cannot deny the terrifying possibility that slithers into their hearts every time they look into the infinite sky, or recall the pointlessness of the Holocaust. They are reminded of chaos, of absurdity that shines brighter than any cloth can conceal. This is the age of unconscious awakening, a deep seeded understanding, yet a constant effort is made to conceal this truth with all one's might. What is often missed, or denied is one's responsibility and freedom. These are issues that troubled even the most serious of 20th century "existentialists", and can cripple the layman, unsuited for toppling such heights. Nietzsche provided a way to transcend this, to give lightness to the weight of our freedom, and that is through the allusion of dance and laughter. No other philosopher has stared into the quandaries of existence and asked us to take it light heartedly, to most this would seem shallow, or would assume they had missed something. On the contrary, we had missed something. We had missed the larger picture, the true virtue of our ability to choose. We had missed the ability to say "yes!" What is essential to living our lives honestly, fruitfully, and truly happily is to accept our existence in all its follies. We must enjoy the peaks in the face of valleys, the night and the day and not simply expect bliss and salvation as the only experiences of value. This is what Atheists must understand, and must undertake as their greatest task. To say "Yes" to their lives.

However, this will not be achieved until the Godless learn to stand on their own two feet. Individualism is a key factor for Nietzsche, with good reason. In order to achieve any sort of "authentic" happiness, one must do it themselves, not by assimilating another non-religious group. Atheism is almost synonymous with leftists, because leftists are often seen as "progressive", which may seem suitable for Atheism as its forward movement of humanity. However, the collectivism, egalitarianism, and utilitarianism present in leftist doctrine gives off a theistic odor of "equal creation" as well as contradicts the reality that each person is not equal and has their experiences and challenges to overcome. Here Atheists are looking to fill the gap left open and festering, the gap of identity. When left with no standard to measure one's self, the individual is left to their own devices. This is where good conscience is required, where one must have the fortitude to live their life as an ongoing experiment, a process of trial and error to find the most "authentic" or honest self that one can create. This self for the Atheist, if their goal is flourishing and happiness, needs to be more than a role to play or an actor of one's life. Rather, what is needed is a created self that lives and loves life as an end in itself. One must determine what they value, why they value it, and continue to do so. There is a constant choice that needs to be made, for instance, in a relationship, as to if and why that relationship remains valuable. This is an individual challenge that cannot be decide in groups, by shepherds, because they do not know what others value. Often, the preachers themselves don't know why they value what it is they claim to and thus must preach to justify it. This is why collectivism and left-ism is also to be overcome by the Atheist. No genuine happiness can be found in the collective thought.

It is important to elaborate on the idea of "authenticity", because of the absence of a standard. Its absence in Atheism is in part due to the Western culture; the capitalistic consumerism that, thanks to a number of Psychologists, has worked its way into the mass's idea of self. What we are faced with today, both Atheist and believer, is the rise of psychological manipulation through advertising and mass media. Movies, television, comics, and newspaper all work to pound herd ethics, ideals of progression, and social roles into the populace's heads. Even what is described as secular bleeds Christian virtues into the mainstream of society. This poses a great challenge to a self-creator of any kind because of the sheer amount information one must thwart off in order to get enough peace and quiet for self evaluation. What is most troubling is the level of unconscious meddling done through these tactics, making one's task harder to undertake. The deconstruction of social roles is essential. The recognition of one's self as a character, as stated above, must be dismantled through constant self scrutinizing. There is a way to enjoy activities, objects, fashion, etc on a more meaningful level once revaluing them. There is a qualitative difference between being one's "own self" rather than playing a role to decorate their existence.

For example, wearing a thrift store garment, drinking coffee, and occupying coffee shops could reflect multiple ways on one's personality. One way is that a person simply enjoys each of these in a pragmatic sense, such as buying the cloths for frugal reasons, enjoying the calm atmosphere of the coffee shop as well as its brews. On the other hand, one may enjoy these things, and place them together to fit a certain model, that is a stereotype of a "hipster" or "intellectual" type that goes about these things to appear as such. This would seem less "authentic" or honest than the former where one partakes in this lifestyle out of necessity or by "accident". That is, not conscious of its association with some lofty idea or image. Even with a minute awareness of how these may reflect falsely on one's person, the honest man may shrug this off well aware of their "truer" self, and that this coincidence is simply unfortunate and of no greater concern. The one who carries a greater discomfort is the masked man who does not fully enjoying the taste of his coffee, nor the comfort of his sweater. This is very telling of the type of existence one should have under Nietzschean terms, living as yourself rather than wishing away your life by trying to be another. It is not only the Atheist's who wear masks, but it is the Atheists who are most seriously affected by this, because unlike believers, they understand there is only have one life to live.

There is a need, more now than ever, for the Philosopher. Science may provide truths, but this is not where the chain ends. What is needed is a type of person able to take on these discoveries courageously, to bask in these truths regardless debris lay in its wake. This is the task of the noble Atheist, who stares Nihilism in face and radiates his own light unto its bleakness. The Godless should stand naked before themselves and work to sow their existence with only what will ripen it. The old philosophies that stand cold and grey, should be knocked down and replaced with those that are alive; that breathe and bleed, and thus grow. Atheism should shake free the weights of its stagnation and fear and create a standard for human beings that have not yet been seen. Too long have philosophers and men of momentum been bewitched by their words without the passion to move themselves. We should not be afraid to construct mountains, as so many philosophers, moralists, Atheists, and "free-thinkers" have been to this day. Tomorrow is a day for the fearless, and this is what I challenge those who are willing to take it upon themselves to live.

A Discussion on The Examined Life-An End or Means?

I write this half out of a discussion I must give on the subject for class, and half the true passion I have towards the idea. Ever since I began to reason, and the wheels began to turn up in the ol' noggin of mine I felt the forward movement of observation. The internal and external gaze of contempt and thorough questioning which led me down a steep path to who I am now and who I am now becoming. The virtue of the examined life, as Socrates lays it out, is without proper word nor definition to do it justice. The swelling in my chest and tightening of my muscles hardly do well to suppress the passion and jubilation I feel towards its value in human life. To live blindly is exactly that-to live without enlightenment or experience the shine of existence. There are an infinite number of ways to live, under even more ideals and circumstances, but I find there to be two ways of approaching life that have a profound effect on its function. There is the idea of life as an end and life as a means.

These two can be further broken down into religious and non-religious, ascetic and hedonist, and so on. However, this distinction is important unto itself. If one approaches life as a means, whether towards and afterlife or goal towards something else, they view all actions as building up to a singularity. One event of life (or afterlife) justifies the rest. Sacrifice is to be made accordingly in the name of the almighty Goal. There is a focus placed forward and away from the moment, experiencing events in passing, always with eyes on the prize. This way of living gives rise to busyness, a constant feeling of urgency, and detest for "wasting time". This is widespread in our time, bleeding between religious and secular life, feeding its own fire with guilt and self pity if the goal is missed. It even haunts us on our death beds. Failure is entrenched in guilt and often takes the wind out of one's sails, only to be brought back by the importance of that shining beacon at the end of the road. This is proclaimed a high value, shouted from the rooftops by intellectuals, philosophers, and politicians. It is posted in our classrooms and worn with pride by our heroes. They had a goal, they accomplished it. They are happy, loved, respected, proud of their achievements. They have reached their goal, but what now of life? New goals, new struggle, a new ladder to climb. I question this, their happiness and pride, and most of all I question our praise of it.

On the other side. Life as an end. To live in the moment, experience the zest of life, and float on down the river. To live for now, and love life as it is. Accepting whatever comes one's way and all of life's absurdities. So stare into the blandness of everyday with a smile. To look in horror at atrocities without negating the value of life. To live without meaning, purpose, or direction other than simply existing. This is very Eastern, Taoist, Buddhist, and even Existentialist. You wake up and go to sleep, and that is all. There is nothing to be improved upon, because life is what it is. The universe the same, it simply IS, and so are we. This is terrifying to the types above. To those who are all too aware of life's fleeting nature and try to grab onto it, make it into something safer. Those who see life as an end feel no need to turn life into anything else, and to rush through it would be a sin to one's self.

This dichotomy can also be described as saying "Yes" and "No" to life. This is how Nietzsche views the phenomena and I would have to agree. There is a negation of life in the ways of the "life as means" class. Existence isn't good enough without some purpose. To simply live is a waste, the day to day is humdrum and the real nitty gritty is some high goal for us to amount to. However, this goal is never enough. Alan Watts uses the example of "success" and its fleeting nature. From Kindergarten to becoming a CEO we are always after the ever elusive "success" just beyond our finger tips. Once we have it we don't know what to do with it. We look in the mirror and find ourselves as bored and ragged as ever. In the mean time we wasted precious time and energy. There is a neurotic lust after our own self worth. We have to prove it, if not to God than to ourselves. To our parents, our friends, our dog, our wife, someone needs to pat me on the back god damnit! I NEED TO KNOW WHEN I'VE REACHED THE FINISH LINE!! Well no one does. Often, people don't let you even get close, they get jealous of what you have, how you're closer to either their goal or yours and that upsets them. They want a pat too! This is a sickness, it is a profoundly stupid waste of time. Chasing the horizon until we find ourselves where we started.

I am clearly an advocate of the latter, as life as an end. However, this is not without fault. Part of living the examined life is to adhere to openness. To question all, and know nothing. Here lies my point. This is a goal. An unreachable goal, a goal that I value and chase myself. It is to obtain wisdom, and Socrates himself says no man can obtain it, only God. Well I may not believe in God, but I do believe the gist of the statement. This is the exact goal I have that has ironically led me to believe life is best experienced as an end. However, although I may show qualities of the busy men, trudging towards a fleeting horizon, I have learned to enjoy watching the sunsets. That is, to enjoy the ride. The all too cliche Bill Hicks saying "Life is just a ride" is very relevant here. Instead of trudging towards your goal with your eyes focused forward, turn your head and enjoy the sight in the meantime. There is a compromise where your life can be an end and a means. To enjoy the sights on your way to the top of whatever mountain you may be climbing.

The aimless life is a great romantic idea, and for some is an ecstatic reality. Honestly, we're all bumping around this world at random, no matter how organized and focused we may feel our lives are, there is always a great deal which is out of our control. This is referred to as Absurdity. You can either accept it, overcome it, and move on to higher grounds, or let it terrify you. Learning to live well in the greyness is essential.To my understanding, there are no promises in life other than what you have now, and even that is fleeting. Life is change. To grasp life is like trying to squeeze a river, it'll never work, and if you dam it up too much the pressure will cause it to blow. The problem we have as human beings is that of boredom. Things get old quick, and its nice to have change or to preoccupy one's self with certain activities. Its not a new idea either to occupy your time with things you love, activities that enrich your existence. There is compromise between the two extremes, moderation I believe it's called. Socrates also saw this as a virtue.

I'm not trying to advocate living a life without goals or desires. We all have wills and I do not believe you can exist without one. Rather, willing in the right direction, setting the right values and abiding by the right lifestyle is key. I don't mean right as in "right and wrong" but rather on a scale of "good and bad" with degrees towards which fulfills what you want out of life. To truly live life as an end, it must be your goal. To control your will to focus on the moment, to stop the chattering in your head from time to time and look at the clouds, or listen to someone speak (and I mean really listen, not just wait for your turn to speak). Don't put the goal out there somewhere, but right in front of you. There is a quote I recall that says, "Your greatest achievement is being alive." For some, that's setting the bar a little low, but it sounds like a great starting point for me. You achieve this everyday, and anything else is just a bonus. Regardless of what you aspire to, its not going to give you your time back. You may have endless potential, but not endless time. This door swings both ways, it means get off your ass and make something of yourself, or just enjoy what's less abundant.

Overall, I find thinking about stuff like this pretty important. If anything, the examined life lets you put things in perspective. You don't need to be a philosopher to appreciate that. Just wake up, think about what you want to do and ask yourself "Why?" This is the most important word in your vocabulary and can move mountains.

Stay True, Jam Econo

P.S My main goal now is to play these new songs I wrote with my band. Simple, but powerful. Even if I fail, I still wrote em'.

The Art of College

By: Kris Harrison

You may be asking yourself, "how in the heck is college an art?" Well, I believe life itself is an art form. Something we are constantly creating, shaping, and critiquing to better itself. At the end we look back on out work and decide whether it be beautiful, overindulgent, or simply wasted time and effort. Within that hindsight lies these four to five years of collegiate life. Time spent growing, learning, and acquiring a new outlook on life. Well, actually, none of those things for most people. But it is a great time spent lounging, drinking, socializing and the occasional class or two. Now, I bet you expect me to go on about how college are the best years of your life, how they should be spent enjoying youth, taking full advantage of this time, and so on. Well, I'm only 21 so I can't comment on these being the best years, I'm still not sure what is so great about youth, and I think one should take full advantage of their time with or without college. What I'm really interested in is the juicy stuff. The stuff we all know but never read about or take pride in. This is where the true art of college lies.

First off, college is a joke, and not a very funny one. Its fuckin' expensive and overall a waste of time. This is no different from our previous experience of school. There's a lot of hot air and even more cash thrown around to make college seem like this big deal. Yes, the campuses are nice, and no the classes are not worth it. The problem is, unless you enjoy frying or lifting things college is pretty essential to landing a "good" job. This fact is hidden behind all the jargon about growth, education, and diversity. The true value of college is that it facilitates a socially acceptable preoccupation which frees up a great deal of time to do basically what you want. Don't wanna go to class? Don't. Feel like sleeping in until 2 on a Tuesday. Done. Wanna read up on Marxism or catch up on old episodes of "The Office"? No Problemo. This is the true beauty of these four to five years. You can explore a lot of shit you wouldn't otherwise have time. In addition, there are a large number of people the same age as you that may share the same interests as you and also have a great deal of free time. This is the first time you can truly learn to organize your time and figure out your priorities.

In addition to all this, you begin to figure out the great art of being broke. Now, I'm clearly being cache' here. There is a serious lesson in the limited budget of most college students; a lesson that our parents are learning due to the economic downturn. This is the lesson of frugality. While in school, we learn what is really essential and what can be done away with. Oddly enough, we find out we can be quite happy without a shitload of stupid crap as well as find better things to do than blow money on worthless activities. It is truly a development in creative living. Some of us do find work and need to keep ourselves busy to facilitate our less modest spending habits. I advise against this. It is truly a better lesson to live cheap, there is a great deal more self discovery. The essentials usually turn out to be good friends, drinks, tasty cheap food, good conversation, and leisure time. We fit reading and school work in there, though often the real lessons once again come from the former activities. This is where the growth comes from, not your Social Diversity in America class or Western Civilization lecture. They add nice conversation pieces and from time to time leave you scratching your head. However, a number of people take interest in different studies in their own time. It is the collection and clashing of these ideas that really lead to deep seated learning and profound growth.

Clearly I value the downtime college provides over the busyness of class projects and painful boredom experienced in Monday morning lectures. I have had a number of great classes and learned some good stuff here and there. However, overall my classes have been painfully boring, shallow, and dumbed down for grade snobs who hate getting an A- over an A. Trust me, this happens more than you expect. There is also the idea that these classes are to somehow prepare you for the work world. Maybe this is so in the sense that most work will be dry, boring, and repetitive but as far as providing skills to be a good little worker, I doubt it. We're supposedly higher folks than those who went straight into the work world, and though we may have experienced a wider variety of ideas and individuals, we have not been working full time, paying bills, and feeding ourselves without the help of loans. Not that this is better in any way, just saying-think about it.

Now what I've really wanted to get down to, the real artsy fartsy part of college. This is simple doing as little as possible and doing well so to free up time for more productive, life-enhancing activities. This is real deal. If you wanna get the most out of your time at a university, you need to figure out how to keep yourself from dying of boredom and staying away from worthless stress over pointless activities. First step, realize all the jazz listed above. This is a great time to plan out your life, adopt habits, reform values, open up to new possibilities, and begin listening to good music (modern radio sucks). If you begin to stop feeling guilty about actually enjoying your life, and not just on weekends, you'll learn to live a lot happier. There is a great deal of guilt placed on leisure time, but this is the most essential time for new ideas and self improvement. Second, forget about grades. They're arbitrary, have nothing to do with real intelligence, and mean nothing after graduation. Pass the damn class, learn things because they actually mean something to you and move on. Third, take chances and skip classes. Stolen time is the sweetest, just don't skip exam days. Fourth, get used to buying thrift, easting cheap, and pooling money. Being unemployed is essential to getting the most out of your time here. Why waste time and money going away just to work? You could have done that at home. Set a budget and stick to it. Ramen Noodles, PB & J, and Mac n' Cheese kick ass anyways. A lot of people get out of college and jump right back on the track of expensive status and pleasure items. You can do fine without them, keep the faith.

Last of all, realize that you are in the real world already. There is a great deal of activities you can do while away to school not academic based. If you're an artist or musician use your free time to get better, learn from other people, and try to make some payola off of it. If you like to sew, make you and your friends items rather than purchase them. You don't have to spend all your time playing X Box and watching Football. Spacing out for four years will only prove to be a waste of time and money. When you drink, enjoy the moment, celebrate your life as it is. Don't place success just over the horizon.

College is a great experience, but not in the ways most people value it. Its a archetype for a new way to live. Cheap, efficiently, and focused on growth. One day you may make 100 G's a year, but I ask you to question if it will make you any happier than you are now. Happiness lies in contentment and autonomy. You don't need to go to college to understand that, but you're here so damnit why not wake up and realize it?

You're debt payments have come in yet, enjoy it while you can. Skip class, drink beer, sleep in, love life.

Jam Econo, Stay True.

Rant on Playing Shows

I'm having trouble figuring out where to play with Brewheist without having to put up with so much goddamn bullshit. Never before, in any band, have I had to deal with so much nonsense as recently with my most commercial sounding band. When I was screaming about religion and nihilism I managed to get decent crowds, played decent venues, but were never disrespected by musicians or promoter. We played shows in front on nobody, in Mediocre and now, but were never shown indifference until recently. I like to illicit a reaction out of an audience, I like to take chances, put myself out there, go insane, and occasionally break shit. Its not about putting on a good show, its about letting it all out and giving the song the appropriate physical expression as well as musical. Whether it be a punk, jam, blues, or cover band I like to play it all as intensely as possible.

I'm suffering from confusion on what the fuck people like to listen to. I do not wish to understand this to shape my music accordingly, but just to understand what shit other bands are playing to get people so gung ho. I've been to local shows where there were a large amount of dedicated fans to basically mediocre music. It was artsy, gloomy, self indulgent, screamo that sounded like 100 other bands in the area. This copycatting was called a scene, and was quite large. The bands played shows constantly, often in front of large crowds, in alternative venues. They had merchandise, albums, and had people screaming their songs along with them. Although I detested the music, I obsess over the dedication and size of the scene. It was well organized, consistent, and intense. The music was played intensely and was far from radio friendly. It was punk rock like I'd read about, but never experienced. Today, this scene is gone-to my knowledge. I'm sure it has transformed and moved somewhere, but I'm pretty sure the direction it took is still far off from what music I like.

I do not want to be sceney. I do not want to form a scene at all, because scenes are usually crippling to creativity and extremely exclusive. I would love to find bands to put on shows with, have a number of people who really want to listen to music come and see us. However, I do not want numbers for the sake of numbers. I've seen what this turns into. I want to play with bands who are on our same wavelength.

I'm already sick of playing bars. They see us as dollar signs or just bothersome. Even when I call these places, they act like we are wasting their time. We are more accepted and more appreciated in front of Rock Climbing walls than venues designated for heavy music. I do not think it is too much to ask for to play shows where people are interesting in hearing music exclusively. We are not background music, I and refuse to be such. When you play bars your music is secondary to drinking. Drinking is the main focus of the business, you are there to facilitate drinking. This is all fine and dandy, beer is great when listening to music. However, it leads to more bullshit than good. Even from the band's end- drinking before going on does not lead to good performances or good decision made. It also makes spontaneous acts of passion look like drunken behavior and takes credibility away. Back when I used to swing mics, stomp basses, and kick drum sets over, it was interpreted as music influenced behavior. The song was pumping me up, anger was motivating me. Now, when I walk off stage or get into a song, it is because I'm drunk, so far as the audience can tell. This is inaccurate, and changes the whole image of the band and music being played.

Well, this rant is not without resolution. I would like to start playing more alternative venues. Fugazi showed me that it was possible, scenesters showed me it was possible, experience showed me it was possible. I want to play more rock climbing walls, more basements, backyards, abandoned stores, house parties, coffee shops, alley way venues, warehouses, hippie communes, etc. This is not a novel idea, but it is a better idea than what we're doing. I encourage all my musician friends to start forming bands, play good, intense, honest music. Put on shows, start something new, something exciting. We can't do this on our own! I'm at wits end, I'm ready to play real punk music. That is, an alternative form of music that is expressed in the mainstream, devoid of mainstream values and ethics. I don't care about making these venues money, about being a big rock star. I want to play good shows, to make great music, and have fun. I just want to be heard.

Stay True, Jam Econo

Ethics of Rock N Roll

Given the events of our latest show @ Mac's Bar, I find there to be a serious concern with how bands should handle themselves in confrontational situations. Their behavior is presupposed by the image or attitude the band carries with them either consciously and subconsciously. However, there is also a responsibility towards paying patrons who wish to see the band. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the events of last night I will summarize it briefly

We played a show at Mac's Bar in Lansing. We were on last, so we stayed and watched the other bands played. Went up, shook their hands, had some beers, etc. We brought in a good number of people to the show, who also bought drinks and payed $5 at the door. During our set, we played an MC5 song, Kick Out The Jams. A Detroit Rock staple and song that meant a lot to us. The drunk Sound Manager came up to us in the middle of it and began gesturing that we were jerking off, or rather, ruining the song. We may have played it poorly, this is a definite possibility. None us knew he was the Sound Manager at this point, until we realized no one else was laughing. So I began to stab him in the chest with my guitar hoping to get him to back off. At this point he began to heckle us more, saying he didn't appreciate a band attacking him and then informed us his position at Mac's. Kevin tried to be polite and calm about it until the guy kept going and told us to get out or something along those lines. Kevin got mad and threw the mic down, walking off stage. I shared his disgust, so i followed suit telling him to suck my cock. We walked outside and decided to just end it, pack up, and leave. So we did. There where a number of verbal exchanges between the band, our fans, and Seth (the heckler) which resulted in us becoming more enraged. Ryan talked to the guys running the show that night, who said they liked us and would have us back. We shook hands again with all the other bands, apologized, and exchanged numbers. The management came out to apologize for Seth behavior. We kindly accepted it and left. Tim and Willie (fans and friends of ours) stayed back a few minutes after us and were harassed even more by Seth, who tried to get Willie to punch him.

We played an alright show, put our heart into, and overall it was a good night. However, given the situation, the question arises if we acted correctly. I personally feel we did what we had to. We showed that we don't put up with bullshitters, acted non-violently, and voiced our opinions. We hurt no one, broke nothing, and continued to express our gratitude to the venue and other bands. Afterwards, we sat and discussed our behavior. Half the band felt we should have just told the guy to fuck off, make fun of him, and keep playing. The other half (mostly just me) felt we did the right thing and stood up for ourselves. It was because Seth posed himself as a representative of the bar. This offended Kevin and I the most. We had called earlier that night to see when we should arrive and they treated us like we were pestering them. This is what, at least for me, pissed me off the most. I had already felt unwelcome to an establishment we were trying to support by bringing people into in exchange for a place to play. It turns out Seth was an employee but Mac's staff tried to dismiss it as if he was just some asshole and to not let it bother us. It was a unanimous feeling amongst the band and fans that he should be fired, and that it was irresponsible of the bar to let him do what he did.

I question if continuing to play and making a fool of the heckler instead was the "Higher Ground" as opposed to hitting him or walking off. The strongest power we have as an up and coming band is in the choices we make. These choices dictate our reputation and path we take. The power to say "no" or not to stand up for bullshit like this is a right I believe we should exercise at any point necessary. Since we were almost done with our set anyways, I don't feel too bad about walking off as far as ripping our audience off. We put a lot into the performance until the end and we accomplished what we set out to do. What I regret most is not tipping the bartender at the end of the night. She deserved it, she tended to us well and was an innocent party. However, as far as the way we handled ourselves, I believe showing, from the start, you are not a band to be pushed around is a priceless attribute. This lacks in a lot of bands.

Yes, a band is a business, but this is secondary to band as an expressive and creative group. We play music, making money is only a secondary goal and should not be the incentive of a band. What one does physically, emotionally, vocally, instrumentally, and reactively on stage is also a creative expression. We expressed ourselves. Period. The ethics and implications should be discussed only in defense or as a counter example to this. We were pissed, we reacted. If anything, this was an act of loyalty to what our band stands for. Kevin and I both believe Seth would not have stopped. If we hit him we would have been kicked out. Our reaction was honest, authentic, a little alcohol inspired, but mostly predicated upon our own convictions as musicians and human beings.

There were a great deal of lessons learned from this incident, and I believe it is a turning point for us as a band. I implore musicians to stand up for what they believe in. Don't let venues or hecklers hassle you. Respect your fans and your fellow musicians. If you're in a crowd and someone is disrespecting the band, stop them.

Jam Econo, Stay True